Last Goodbye
by descentofthedoppelganger
Summary: Buffys in England when she gets a call from an old friend.After learning of yet another apocalypse she gathers her friends & runs head first into the fight,but L.A is left in a state of chaos.Will our champions be able to help fix it or will it get worse?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay so I was watching Angel Not fade Away and I figured you know what? There was no way Spike did not call Buffy on his last day. If he couldn't see her he would have definitely called. Thats for sure. And Angel too! There was no mention of Buffy with him. So I figured what the heck. I'll write my version of what happens after NFA. This was originally supposed to be a oneshot about Spike, but it just turned into something else. Then I decided to rewrite it so that its possible Angel or Spike could end up with Buffy. Each chapter is in someone else's point of view. It'll be easy to figure out who, I promise. Please, please, please review and tell me what you think. Enjoy.

_Summary: Sunnydale has been gone for almost a year now. Buffy is in England helping to rebuild the Council when she gets a call from an old friend. After learning of the apocalypse that's looming over L.A. she gathers Willow, Xander and some slayers and runs head first into the fight. People are saved and demons are killed, leaving L.A in a state of chaos. Will our champions figure out how to fix things or will everything just turn out worse?_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. As much as I would like to have Spike AND Angel all to myself, him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me toying with his ideas.**

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Last Goodbye

_Chapter One_

I sit quietly in the library sifting through books and doing some demonology research absently. I was never much of a reader nor a researcher - that was usually Giles and Willow's line of work - but I am desperately trying to distract myself with anything. There are no impending apocalypses. Atleast none that I'm aware of. Unfortunately the futile attempt to entertain myself isn't working. I sigh and throw the book I'm pretending to read across the room. There's only so much about a mohra demon I could read about. I'd only ever encountered one of them before and it had been four years ago in L.A when I'd went to visit Angel a few days after Thanksgiving. Not one of the days I really want to remember. He'd killed it quickly and I'd left just as fast, old wounds ripped open and bleeding.

I don't know what to do with myself right now.

Its been almost two years since Sunnydale and I have barely done anything with my life at all. Well anything of consequence really. But it seems everyone else has had zero problems in that department.

Xander found a girlfriend, a slayer that he had located somewhere in South Africa. He was on a extended leave, mourning Anya when he came across her. He brought her home and everyone loves her. I'm just glad he's found someone else. I'm happy he won't be alone anymore. Even if I am.

Willow had been with Kennedy for a while before they both realized it just wasn't meant to be. She stayed single until one day Oz came back for a visit, the same time she did and there was some major sparkage. Willow concluded that Tara had probably been the only woman for her and Oz would be the only man. I was happy for her I really was, still am. Her and Oz got married a few months ago and they've been having the time of their lives traveling the world and collecting slayers. I was her maid of honor. They stop by every now and then to visit and drop off the girls they find with inherent slayer abilities.

Dawn is finishing up high school. I'm so proud of her. She has become quite the scholar. Her last year of high school and she's already getting requests from Oxford, Duke, and even Cambridge. She's also planning on becoming a watcher and is bent on moving to England for university and her watcher training with Giles.

Which brings me to my former watcher. Rupert Giles. The one who had become my proxy father in my real fathers absence. He's now putting all his efforts into rebuilding the council and I help him out on occasion. We haven't lost touch even though he resides in England and I'm here in Scotland. Although there is a bit of estrangement since the incident in Sunnydale, when him and Robin tried to pull off a plan to kill Spike while I was distracted. It didn't work.

Then there's Robin. He's still with Faith, staying here and helping with training sometimes. But usually him and Faith go out on their expeditions across the globe taking out demons for fun then returning to their headquarters in Cleveland. Of course Faiths on break now and they're both staying here in the castle. Castle is kind of a midevil word. More like very huge mansion type thing.

Faith. Where to start with her. She's come so far since we've first met. We'd almost killed each other at one time but now I find a friend in her. Someone who's shared the burden that none of the other slayers will ever know. The empty feeling that comes with that much responsibility and the loneliness that accompanies it. She has really learned from her past mistakes and I'm glad that I never completely gave up on her. I'm also glad Angel fought me on her fate before she turned herself in because who knows where we would be today if he hadn't.

And Angel. Things were still undetermined between the two of us, much to my dissapointment. Aside from the curse his soul still carries I feel like I can't trust him. Yeah, I still love him with all my heart. Even after all the things we've been through. When Angel and I had been together, I had been naive. As young girls in love always are. Our love has always been a forbidden love. Love thats merely become from a distance and I can't help but feel heartbroken. Ever since I found about Angel working for Wolfram and Hart I've been teetering on edge. I still can't understand how my Angel could do such a thing. Give in to the dark side, even with his soul. But again, even with his recent actions I can't help but love him. Before the fight against the first, I'd told Angel Spike was in my heart, and I'd meant it. And although I know there will always be a place for Angel, the truth was Spike had somehow wormed his way right next to him.

It seems the only one out of the entire Scooby gang who hasn't moved on is me. And it's not purposely. Really it isn't. I've gone a few dates but they always fell flat. I think that my chance has passed. Dawn says I've given up on love but truthfully I think it's given up on me. It seems like every time I ever fell for a guy something got in the way. Whether it was me or them. It was like the fates were punishing me.

Angel left me. And now that I have all this time to really reflect, I don't think I ever got over it. ot truly. Even now. Then with Spike. We had just started to develop a kind of kinship. I could feel myself starting to love him.

I can't help but remember my vision quest with the first slayer. When she told me that death was my gift, I had been so afraid. Afraid of the death that I might bring to others. Only later did I realize what she'd really meant. But there was something else she'd told me. She'd said I was full of love. That I loved with all my soul. That It's brighter than the fire, blinding. And that's why I pull away from it. Maybe that's true. Maybe it isn't. She'd also told me to Love. Give. Forgive. Risk the pain. I wish I would have done that sooner. Then maybe Spike would be here with me now.

This was exactly what I had been trying to keep myself from thinking about. I swipe at the tears starting to form. I have kept myself busy ever since we left the crater in the earth, once known as Sunnydale, behind. Training the slayers and working with Giles to recreate the council has left almost zero time for me to think. Which I'm glad for. I welcome the distraction. But sometimes even the constant nonstop training isn't enough. The thing is, I just don't want to think about anything. Especially him. I still don't.

I'm already haunted enough by dreams of him, Angel, and Angelus. They haunt every corner of my mind once my eyes lay shut. I dream about our last moments together. Every night after that one. I'd see it all again...do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways...Every night I'd save him. Then I'd remember those moments with Angel. The one's in between. My mother's funeral. After my body switch. So when I wake up I refuse to remember any of it because I don't want to continue to think about either of them during the day when all they do is does is plague my mind at night, but there are times when I slip.

I'd think of Spike's blue eyes or his bleached locks that covered his head even his sarcastic remarks and innuendos. Not to mention the way we fit together. I'd think of Angel's deep mocha eyes and his brown spikey hair. The way he seemed to fit around me entirely and comfort me during my weakest moments. That's where the training comes in handy. Whenever I start to remember too much it keeps me busy and focused. Unable to think about them or Anya or Mom or even Sunnydale at all.

But here I am rehashing old memories all thanks to Xander, who insisted that I take a vacation, actually insisted would be an understatement, he forced me to take a vacation. Him, Giles, Willow, Oz and Dawn all ganged up on me. They said it was important that I take a break, because ever since the collapse of the hell mouth I had been doing something every second and that I deserve a period of time to relax. But here in this quiet room its hard to keep my thoughts at bay. Its painful having to relive the memories that flood my conscious.

Soft caresses and breathlessness. Meaningful stares from across the room. First Love. Passion. Comfort. Arms that held me tight after my first brush with death. Ground bones and dust skittering through the air. Lingering touches and reality-bending kisses.

A night filled with words of love and crystal beaded tears after the sting of betrayal I recieved. Skin against skin. Desire. Friendship. Companionship. The burning sensation that spread across my finger tips as I spoke from my heart. Or spoke the best I could. I never was one for conveying my feelings.

I think of the spirit guide again and another thing she said comes to mind. 'Love is pain and the slayer forges strength from pain.' But this feeling I have - well - I don't feel very strong. Whenever I think of Spike I feel weaker then I've ever felt in my entire life. Even worse then when Angel left or when It was foretold that I would die at the hand of the master.

This was why I avoid him. Why I pretend to forget all about him. I can't stand the thought of mourning him because that would mean he was really dead. Really gone. And never coming back.

I mean sure I've attempted to live a normal life but even though there are more then a thousand slayers world wide doesn't magically make my responsibilities disappear. It just makes them a little bit less of a burden then they had been before. The most important accomplishment I've made since Sunnydale, apart from saving the world a few more times, was being the oldest slayer in history.

And you can only imagine how unmixy I am about that. I'm glad to be alive but like any other woman, upset about getting old. Everyone says I look the same as I did back in Sunnydale, that the slayer in me must postpone wrinkles and for that I'm glad. But that doesn't mean I'm happy with myself. I'm constantly living in the past.

Now that I have all this time to think I might actually reevaluate my life, but I doubt it. I know I'll never find love like I did in the past and there's no use in stringing someone along when my hearts not really there. I did that once and I'm not prepared to do it again. I sigh again and put my head in my hands. I'm a mess.

"Hey B." Faith calls to me.

I look up and see her with a phone in hand.

"There's a call for you, from L.A." she tells me handing me the phone.

"Thanks." I reply. She gives me a tentative smile and walks away, probably going back out to train with the girls. I put the receiver to my ear and breath a hello. And there's a beat of silence. I'm wondering who it is on the other end.

"Hello?" I say again. I'm getting a little agitated.

"Hello, love." The smooth British accent says softly and I almost scream. This can't be real.

"Spike?" I ask, my throat swelled up with emotion.

"Yeah it's me, pet."

"Spike, Oh god. How?" And then I start to cry.

"What's wrong Buffy?" he asks confused.

"This can't be real." I practically sob.

"It is." he says simply.

"Oh Spike." I can't believe it. Just hearing his voice and I'm the happiest I've been since we defeated the first two years ago.

"Look I can't talk long but I wanted to say goodbye." he says urgently.

"What?" I shout. Goodbye? But I haven't even got a chance to tell him all the things I've wanted to say.

"Angel and I are - well - were going up against Wolfram and Hart. I know you know about them and who they are so you understand how powerful they are. We've decided to take them out. And there's a good chance I won't make it. So I wanted you to know that I love you and I always will no matter where I am. Hell or wherever I may be, I will _always_ love you. You got that?"

"I love you." I reply awkwardly. I need him to know its true.

"No you don't but thanks for saying it. Goodbye, pet." Were his last words before the line went dead.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So here's chapter two. I'm really hoping you like this so far. I know all you spuffy shippers who might have been reading this before might not be too happy about the possible plot change but remember Angel isn't a bad guy, that is when he's not Angelus. I, along with all you spuffy fans, love Spike and Buffy together. But I also have discovered this soft spot for Angel that I have. They were my first Buffy ship anyway. Either way however I decide this story turns out, I promise to compensate the ship that lost. So please, read and review.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. As much as I would like to have Spike AND Angel all to myself, him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me toying with his ideas.**

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Last Goodbye

_Chapter Two_

I slam the phone down back on the reciever and exit the pay phone. I'm not walking for long before I stop and slump to the ground, tears running down my face. I took Peaches' advice and lived my last day. I went to this grimy joint downtown and read my old poetry about my mum and Cecily. The surprising thing is everyone there really loved it. From the bad ass biker guys to the pathetic sods who were downing their sorrows at the bar. Maybe I wasn't as bad a poet as I thought. Or maybe I was worse. But that really doesn't matter.

I know without her I can never live this day right. I had to do something. Had to make sure she knew that I would always love her, no matter what happened to me. Even if she didn't love me. Even if she's moved on. She told me again. Just like that last moment we had together. But she didn't mean it, just like last time. She'd only said it to help me, to give me strength. Like I once gave her.

Because how could someone so pure ever love a monster like me? Yeah I've got a soul. A soul that I won on my own. I saved the world once or twice but that didn't make amends for all the evil I've ever done. The lives I've taken, the people I've hurt. Including her. I think back to a few months ago, when that carrot-top slayer mutilated my arms for a crime she thought I commited. No I had not done it to her but I had done to so many others. I could save the world a thousand times over and it would never make up for the pain I've caused. It would never be enough. But I'm not like peaches. I won't waste my time brooding.

I remember almost being sucked into hell by Pavayne at Wolfram and Hart. That was just a taste of whats coming for me. And I know its unavoidable, but I've accepted it. Eternal damnation and all. Until the day comes I'll continue to fight for good, white hat included. Although I have to admit, black was always more my color. Angel seems to think fate is on his side and one day one of us will become a real boy. As much as I wish that were true I doubt this shanshu prophecy even exists. One thing I never had the patience for was fate. But then again I never had the patience for anything. Angel was the one with all the finesse. Made killing a game. Messed with his victim's mind first then right at breaking point, thats when he'd kill them. Except for Drusilla. He'd kept her instead.

I think of her as I stare up at the stars. She always did love them. She used to say things about them and how the moon whispered things to her. Half the time I wasn't sure what she was talking about, but there were instances when she had seen something before it happened. Things that she believed were destined to occur. Things you could call fate. But like I said I never had the patience for things like that. I wonder where she is now and I hope that she's okay. Although my love for her has faded with the evil that once occupied my undead heart, I am still concerned for her. I was the only one who ever really knew how to take care of her.

I know that all my life I've always been a fool for love. First with Cecily, then Dru, and finally the beautiful slayer, Buffy.

I let myself think about her for the first time since Peaches and I got back from Italy. I remember how angry I'd been. How angry we'd both been. That wasn't the first time the immortal had taken something that was ours. When we got back I had told Angel that I moved on in that instant and he'd said the same, but we both know thats a lie. I guess it was easier for Angel to accept it then it was for me becuase he atleast has a girlfriend. The werewolf. Or maybe it helped that he had been the one that left Buffy first. So I dont really know. But one thing I do know is that just because Angel has Nina, doesn't mean he's forgotten about Buffy. Because no man that has ever been that close to her could.

Her strength and her beauty. Her light and her love are something anyone would be lucky to be blessed with. I take comfort in the fact that she cared about me once. Maybe it wasn't love but in the end she always treated me like a man even after the terrible things I've done to her and so many others. It was much more then I deserved. She was there for me when I needed her. And I am atleast grateful for that. Yes she's moved on, but that had been the plan all along.

Back in the hell mouthI told her I didn't believe it when she told me she loved me. But that wasn't the only reason I denied it. I had wanted her to get out and find the cover of safety before the earth crumbled around us. So what a hypocrite I am to be angry with her for moving on.

But I realize something. If I just called for her in Scotland, then that meant her and the immortal were on a break or possibly never dated at all. It could have been a scam. Maybe we weren't told about because of the whole 'working for an evil law firm', but that's just wishful thinking…that actually kind of makes sense. I can't see Buffy ever being with someone like the immortal. She's better then that.

But that doesn't matter. Right now I close my eyes and my wet lashes brush my cheek. I can see her hazel eyes turning from deep green to a light brown. Her golden hair in tufts around her heart-shaped face. I beg the powers that be, if they are there at all, to keep her safe and help her live. Because I know how hard it can get for her.

I wish that I would have gone to her sooner, before this had all unfolded. Before Angel came up with this brilliant plan to take out each and every member of the black thorn, just so I could touch her one more time and tell her a proper goodbye. But its too late for that and I have a job to do. I pick myself up from the ground and go back to my apartment to meet up with the others.

Angel eventually walks in a hesitant smile on his face.

"This may come out a little pretentious, but... one of you will betray me." Angel tells us seriously. I raise my hand and look behind me. If there are no volunteers…

"Wes." he says rolling his eyes at me.

"Oh. Can I deny you three times?" I ask pouting. It would only be fair.

We all get ours targets and set out to take them down. I hide myself under a large robe and retrieve the baby before I battle my way out of the building killing each demon that gets in my way. I deliver the baby back to its family and head to our meeting place behind the Hyperion. It's just me for a while and I slink back into the shadows as the rain pelts my shoulders and my blood runs down the side of my face. I finally hear a noise and its Angel. I ask him if he can feel the heat and we both agree we've finally found ourselves a decent brawl. That's when Charlie boy comes running down the alleyway. And I'm a tad bit hopeful. We've taken out three and maybe the rest really pulled it off.

"Damn! How did I know the fang boys would pull through?" he asks with a smile as he comes to a stop, a grimace spreading across his face. I can smell the blood coming from his wound and he stumbles into mine and Angel's arms. I help lean him up against the building.

"You're supposed to wear the red stuff on the inside, Charlie boy." I tell him weakly. I know Gunn won't make it and I think he does too.

"Any word on Wes?" he asks ignoring my comment. I start to shake my head but suddenly Blue lithely lands on her feet before us.

"Wesley's dead." she says her voice hard and her eyes steely. I bow my head as Gunn tears up and Angel turns his face. We've already lost one and the big battle has barely begun.

"I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence." she says harshly staring off at the coming onslaught.

"Well, wishes just happen to be horses today." I soothe her. That rage is going to come in handy.

"Among other things." Angel adds as we all stare at the demon horde, including the dragon that is flying overhead. It's roar echos across the alley wayy.

"OK. You take the 30,000 on the left…" Gunn says.

"You're fading. You'll last 10 minutes at best." Illyria tells him as she stands over him protectively."Then let's make 'em memorable." he replies as he lifts himself up and prepares for battle.

"In terms of a plan?" I ask. Because a plan would be good. Right now I wish we would of thought ahead and called in for some back up. Willow and Buffy would be of great help to us. If only we would have thoguht of it sooner.

"We fight." Angel tells me.

"Bit more specific." I request.

"Well personally. I want to slay the dragon." he says smiling. He lifts his sword and swipes it at the air in front of him. "Let's get to work."

And with that we launch into battle. Gunn is the first to go. He lasts 20 minutes and I'm proud of him. Mortal wound and all he still held out to the end, that is until he switched sides. But that's what turning into a vamp is all about. He got bitten after those twenty minutes of fighting and had to be staked. Sometime during the middle of it a young boy enters the battle and fights along side us and I can't help but think he looks strangely familiar. I don't know who he is but I'm happy he's here. The more the merrier.

Blue has really gotten some good ones in. I see her still fighting across the alleyway. She's already taken out about three quarters of the horde. But I'm not smiling for long because a few seconds later the dragon has his teeth around her and the next thing you know Blue is ripped to bits. Angel converges on it then and the dragon swallows the young boy whole causing a violent reaction in him. "Conner!" Angel screams. So that was it. He was Angel and Darla's son. Conner. I watch as Angel kills the dragon with a sword to the heart. It falls to the ground and he joins me to kill the rest of the demons off.

In the end we're the only one's left standing and barely at that. I search every inch of the filth coated ground for any more survivors but it's clear we're the only ones left. I look down at myself and see the injuries on my body. Deep scrapes across my arms and chest and some singed skin but that's about the worst of it. I look over at Angel and he's way worse. He's on the ground muttering to himself and by the looks of it..he's got a fever but he's still alive which is better then being dust.

I start a pyre of the remains in the alley way and suddenly I'm struck with a sharp pain in my chest. I sink to my knees and bend over as the pain increases. I feel as though someone was shoving their fist through the remains of my insides and I suck in a sharp breath. Somewhere around me there's a heart beat. Angel's eyes widen and my hand flies to my chest where I can feel my heart beating beneath my hand. This can't be real. I was alive. Not just undead but alive. A real human being again. The pain in my chest stops and I jump to my feet. Angel stares at me. I don't think he even knows whats going on around him.

I finish burning the remains and walk back to my old apartment, Peaches under my arm, where we clean up and I grab the last bit of cash I have left and some clothes before going to stay at the Hyperion until arrangements are made. If anyone one we know thinks to look for us it would be there. I drop my things off and deposit Angel into one of the empty rooms before wandering into a nearby convienant store, then a butcher shop. I order whatever I can afford and stuff my face before making my way back to the old hotel to bring Angel his blood. The whole way there I'm trying to convince myself that this is real.

I'm really stunned. A few hours ago I had doubted this prophecy even existed, much less thought that it was fated for me. Yet here I am _living_ and breathing. I always thought tall, dark, and broody would get this reward. He'd been atoning for his sins alot longer then I have. Making amends. I thought that if it were possible he was the one it was meant for, but I sure am glad the powers that be settled with me.

I reach the hotel and find a car parked out front and I wonder if Angel's even conscious and what I'm going to do next. But when I get inside I find the last person I ever expected to see again. Buffy. She looks me up and down before running into my arms.

"Oh god. Spike." she whispers against my ear. I can feel her hot tears trailing down my neck. What in the soddin' hell is she doing here? She gasps as she hears my heart beat thrumming in my chest and pulls away from me, her eyes wide and wet from fresh tears.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay so feedback people. I really love it. I have alot of things I'm supposed to be working on this month but I will do my best to make time for this story because this one has really latched onto my heart and I just can't let it go. I have a surprise ship coming soon. I can't really tell you who it is without ruining the surprise so yuou're just going to have to wait and see who ends up with who. Oh and don't forget to review! ;D

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. As much as I would like to have Spike AND Angel all to myself, him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me toying with his ideas.**

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Last Goodbye

_Chapter Three_

"Damn it." I scream as the dial tone greets my ears. I crush the phone between my fingers and let the shattered pieces scatter around me.

Not again. I can't lose him again. I storm into my bedroom and grab the first clothes that I see. I take out some paper and write a note to Xander and Dawn to tell them where I'm going. I pick out the fastest car we have in our garage and speed off towards the airport. I manage to catch a flight that's leaving for L.A. the very moment I get there.

After I'm seated and the plane takes off I try to keep myself occupied. It seems to be a hobby of mine, but today I'm not very good at it. I almost die at the speed the plane is going. I'm tempted to get up and demand it go faster or possibly try to fly the plane myself, but I figure that would probably slow us down, seeing as I have no idea how to fly a plane. So I snuff the impulse. I know that by the time I reach L.A the battle will be over but all I can do is hope for the best.

The entire time I rerun our conversation over and over again in my head. I mesmerize myself with the sound of his voice and fix his cerulean eyes in front of mine. I try to convince myself that it's a big scam. That it isn't real, but I know deep down it is. I beg the powers that be to spare him in whatever battle he had been talking about. I throw all the times I'd saved the world in their faces. My destiny has taken so much from me. I know that I deserve this one request after all that I've been through.

Remember the master? I ask them internally. I was so young and afraid. Faced with the probability of an early death. He killed me. But I came back and finished him off because it was my duty.

And how can I ever forget Angelus? Not only did I save the world from him, more then once, but I had to kill the first person I ever loved at the age of seventeen. Only to have him sent back to me so he could leave me. All on his own.

Oh and Faith. A fellow slayer who took everything from me every time I tried to help her. And Adam. The crazy experiment composed of human, demon, and machine that the secret government organization called the initiative built for their own purposes.

Then mom. Mom. I was so lost and confused when she died. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I still find myself missing her. The thing was she had liked Spike from the very beginning. They always got along great even when he was evil and hated my guts. Its like she had this extra sense and she knew one day I would love him like I do. And that thought makes me smile.

But then I remember after mom. Glory. That would be the hell god that was determined to use the key, who happened to be my sister, to open up the door back to her dimension. Which would have caused every other dimension ever created to bleed together resulting in utter chaos across the world.

And thats when I figured it out. Something Spike had said clicked in my brain. _'Blood is life_.' My blood. Death was my gift. Thats what the first slayer had said. Dawn wasn't truly my sister, she was a part of me. Her blood was my blood. So after the key had started to bleed. The blood had to stop for the dimensions to close. I gave up my life that night to save Dawn. To save the world. I thought I was finished. Done with my life. Complete. And I was. Until I was brought back to this hell on earth by my friends. Torn from the comfort of heaven into pain and suffering that we call living.

When I finally found someone that understood me completely and loved me unconditionally, all I did was push him away. Just because I was terrified of what my friends might think. And because its wrong. That phrase has become such a paradox to me, I don't think I'll ever be able to say it again. I know this life is filled with grey areas. Nothing is just black and white. There are those with souls that can do unspeakable evil as there are demons who can do unmistakable good.

But there's one evil that I know could have never done any same evil that I'd come up against less then two years ago. The First. The one that came before anything else. The thing that created darkness. It practically invented fear. So in order to protect everyone. I made sacrifices. I felt alone and helpless. My friends betrayed me in their fear and the only one who was there for me is him. He gave me strength, he gave me hope.

Up until that point I still continued to ignore the spirit guide and to deny myself love. But when I finally did give in and open myself up, its stripped away from me. Just like everything else. I've averted atleast ten apocalypses since I was first called. That had to count for something.

And what about Spike? He's definitely earned the right to live. He's protected me and Dawn and all of my friends even when we were horrible to him. Even when I gave him more then enough reasons to leave, he never did.

I'm just beginning to see the pattern that is Spike. He was always there through everything. Angelus. Angel. Riley. The Initiative. Adam. The first slayer. Mom dying. Dawn. Glory. My death. My resurrection. The battle with the First. He was always there.

And the times that he did leave, he always came back. The last time he left was when he went to win himself a soul. For me. And yeah, he's made mistakes but he's given me so much. Given us all so much.

He comes back from winning a soul and sacrifices himself for me. For the entire world. He has earned much more then the right to live. He deserves that and so much more.

So I'm no longer asking. I demand that these powers that be spare his life for all the good he's done combined with all the good I've done. That has to be more then enough to tip the scale.

My flight finally lands in L.A after eight and a half grueling hours of worry and my long one-sided discussion with the powers that be. I can only hope that they took what I said to heart. I pick up a rental car and drive to the place I saw Angel last. Wolfram and Hart. But when I get there all I can see is the ruble that is left behind. The battle was over. I start to panic. Where would he be? What if…No. No what ifs. After he made it where would Angel and his people go?

I think back to a couple of years ago, back to when Angel first moved to L.A and I remember the old beat up hotel that he had stayed in. The Hyperion was it? I put my foot on the gas and speed off to the other side of town towards the Hyperion.

When I get there I notice the burnt pyre on one side of the building down an alleyway. There's a foul stench that clings to the air around me. It's the smell of burning demon remains and death that I have come to know so well. This was obviously the battle site and by the looks of it, there weren't many survivors. I bite my lip and carefully make my way inside scouring the rooms for any sign of Angel or Spike.

There isn't much here but a small bag and some swords. I'm not really sure what to make of that. All I know is if I don't find someone soon I think I might go insane from anxiety. I figure the best thing to do would be to wait, but there's one more room left and that's where I find Angel.

"Angel!" I shriek, running to his side and falling to my knees next to him. "Oh. God." I say, my hand finding my mouth as I gape at the wounds covering Angel's body. He's mumbling incoherent words and his eyes keep fluttering open every few seconds.

"Buffy..." he manages to say, his voice hoarse. He needs help, something is mystically wrong with him and I don't have a clue what to do. He could die. And theres no blood around. And then it hits me. My blood. Whatever's wrong with him, my blood can cure it. I'm sure of it. As he drifts in and out of conciousness I prop him up against the wall and tilt my neck, placing his mouth over the scar he left last time. A minute goes by and he's still, then he reacts to my pulse and sinks his fangs into my neck. It's just like the last time. It hurts at first but after a while a strange pleasure rips through my body. I can feel my blood leaving my veins and I'm almost getting light headed. I don't even notice the footsteps echoing across the lobby until whoever is making them opens the door. Angel gently retracts his fangs as someone walks through the doorway.

"Buffy...are you alright?" Angel asks, his eyes wide in fear. And I understand why. Last time this happened I had to get rushed to the hospital. Seems like this time, he stopped just in time.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Really." I reply easily, standing up quickly and almost toppling over. Angel catches me in his arms and steadies me, while Spike remains silent. As soon as I notice him I don't even have time to think before I'm running into his arms, ignoring the fact I'm a bit woozy. I'm overcome with relief. Tears escape my eyes as I nuzzle my face in his neck. I pull away and my heart almost stops as I feel how warm he is. I move my ear to his chest and hear the thumping of his heart beat. I gasp and my eyes meet his again. He's alive. Not undead but alive. I release him from my grip and snap out of my euphoric trance.

"Oh god. Spike." I ask pulling away, my eyes widening in awe. This is unbelievable. "How?"


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey there.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. As much as I would like to have Spike AND Angel all to myself, him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me toying with his ideas.**

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Last Goodbye

_Chapter Four_

I wake up in the Hyperion, I can feel a fever in my body, like the one Faith poisoned me with a couple years ago. I keep drifting in and out, I can't stay focused for very long and I'm not sure what I should do. Seeing what I can only guess are hallucinations. Cordelia. Fred. Wesley. Spike. Conner. And most off all Buffy. I remember being in the alley and Spike...getting shanshued. A fresh bout of pain hits me at the revelation. Then suddenly someone's shouting my name.

"Angel!" Buffy yells, horrified at my state. I want to tell her its okay, but I can barely open my mouth to speak. "Oh. God." she says. I can hear the tears in her eyes, but my damn eyes won't stay opened so I can get a clear visual of her.

"Buffy..." I finally say, my voice scratchy.

"Buffy...are you alright?" I ask fearfully, checking to see of she's alright. She let me drink from her again, but this time I stopped in time. Thank god.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Really." she replies, standing up but falling right into my arms. I help her balance herself and she gifts me with a small smile, before she notices Spike and I'm just a forgotten thought. She runs into his arms and squeezes him tightly.

"Oh god. Spike." she says suddenly, pulling away with shock written on her faxce. "How?" Spike still stays silent and can't seem to take his eyes off the blood dribbling down her neck.

"Shanshu prophecy." I tell her as I walk closer to her. I should have known Buffy would have found a way to get here.

The shock and amazement on her face reminds me of Acathla. The moment my soul was restored her face had bared the same expression. Eyes wide, lips parted, accelerated heart beat. Tell tale signs of Buffy relief. Which will most likely be followed by a furious rampage.

"The who-what?" she asks. Forever screwing up demon names and prophecies alike but that's one of the reasons I love her. Why we both love her.

"The Shanshu prophecy." Spike finally chokes out. He looks paler then before I left. And thats saying something, seeing as he was previously a vampire not even a few hours ago. But I guess that's the effect Buffy has on him, not to mention me. I can barely smell his contained arousal over mine.

Buffy just stares at us, a look of irritation and annoyance meshed together on her beautiful features.

"The vampire who saves the world from the greatest evil…" Spike starts to say.

"…will regain his humanity while reaping the benefits of a vamp." I finish shrugging. Trying to keep the bitterness from my voice. Even though I am. Bitter that is. "Basically he's human again but with the heightened senses and super strength."

I don't waste another second before pulling Buffy into my arms. She gives me a firm squeeze, lingering for a moment before pulling away too soon for my liking. And I think I know why. Her eyes flit to Spike nervously and his jaw twitches. He's angry and so ignorant.

"What happened? Where is everyone?" she asks softly looking from Spike to me and back again. Trying her best to find out what happened without hurting either of us. Neither of us speak for a while until Spike finally goes into a minute by minute account of the battle. I try my best to put as much in as I can but my mind is still stuck on Conner. And now the world outside has become hell.

We don't waste much time on reunions. Buffy gets Giles on the phone again and arranges transportation. She drives us to the airport and we wait for our flight to Scotland, where she'll put us up until we're able to figure out are next move.

We're sitting on the plane together and I can see the both of them desperately trying to keep their gazes off each other.

She'll choose Spike. I can see it in her eyes. The way she looks at him... She told me last time we talked about him that he was in her heart but as much as I hate to admit it, its clear she loves him. Not to mention the fact that he's human. He can give her everything I can't. So, maybe she's better off with him? I know her and I will have our talk later but for now we'll have to work on what's next.

Eventually Buffy asks me about Conner. Who he was, how it happened, what he was like and I'm happy to go into details. Telling her about how Darla was resurrected and bore his child, in the end killing herself to protect him. The whole bit with Wesley and the deal with Wolfram and hart. Recounting the good times and avoiding the one moment that changed everything.

I have felt loss before but the only thing that even came close was Buffy's death. That had shattered me, although I did a good job of hiding it. Conner was a part of me. A miracle. Simply whisked away in a second. Its unfair that Conner, who's life was so limited had to be cut short when my everlasting time taunts me. It reminds me how cruel the fates can truly be.

I've lost my son and I've lost my only chance at humanity. I know I shouldn't be mad at Spike. Its not his fault. But at the same time it is. It's his fault he's a better man than I am. I'm jealous of how well he can reign in his demon. How he was able to love Buffy without the soul, while I became something entirely other without mine.

The truth is. Spike deserves Buffy. He did what he had to. Risked everything, went to extrmeme lengths to be what she needed, to do what she wanted. I don't know much about ther nature of their relationship but for taking care of Buffy he's earned my respect. He was there for her, when I wasn't and I will always be grateful.

But the thing is even as Angelus I knew Spike was different. When Dru brought him home I knew William was still there. Still in him. Maybe I was subconsciously jealous? Or sickened. I honestly don't know. I tried my best to eliminate William. Tried to make him a monster like me. I thought I had gotten rid of him but he was still there. Hidden, waiting. He was always there. Buffy just brought him out. Buffy always brings the best out in people. That's just who she is.

And thinking of William makes me think of the fight Spike and I had over the Shanshu. How he had beaten me. He said I made him who he was. I was responsible. And deep down I feel like I am. I sired Dru and she sired him. It was a chain. Every life they took is on me as well, on top of my own death count. It's a heavy burden to carry but I know I deserve worse. Jenny Calendar's face enters my mind. Along with hundreds of others.

I drift to sleep trying to forget the faces and the cries for mercy but they follow me in sleep. I eventually wake up to Spike gruffly shoving my shoulder, telling me we've arrived. Thankfully it's dark when we exit. Spike and I follow Buffy into her headquarters. Once inside Spike is immediately rushed by Buffy's little sister Dawn.

"Lil Bit." Spike says happily, pulling her into a tight hug.

Everyone eventually follows her lead and I'm left standing awkwardly to the side feeling completely overlooked. I thought I was jealous before, well hello new level of envy. I calm myself down enough to say hello to Willow and a few others who have finally acknowledged my presence. I have to admit it upsets me, that not only Buffy prefers Spike, but just about everyone else does too. I try not to let it bother me. There's work that needs to be done. Giles and I start to discuss the situation in L.A. and the tension between the both of us leads to a shouting match that draws alot of attention.

"Look everything has gone to hell in L.A. We have to do something, fast." I tell him. The L.A. situation needs to be handled. It's my city and people are dying this very second.

"Well, I understand why you would want to but frankly we don't know what we're dealing with or how we would go about fixing it. We need time." Giles says through clenched teeth, struggling to keep his cool, but even I can tell he's about to blow. I understand, completely why he is still angry with me and I don't expect forgiveness, but that doesn't mean innocent people should die because of his stubbornness.

"We don't have time." I snarl before sighing and retreating to the back wall. Yelling won't get us anywhere.

"Well whether we have it or not, we need it. Its not our fault hell has been unleashed in L.A. Its yours!" Giles shouts at me. And I feel Buffy enter the room.

"Giles." she warns, glancing over at him in attempt to calm him. Her eyes move to me and she bites her lip. Shes worried.

"My fault? Excuse me for trying to save people. Would you rather I killed them, Giles?" I question him, sarcastically.

"Seems like you've done a bloody good job of that already if you haven't forgotten." Giles sneers and I wince, before turning and leaving swiftly. I'm not sure where I'm going but anywhere away from these people, atleast for now, is good enough for me.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I am sooo sorry for not updating as long as I have. I've been majorly busy with homework. Junior year is killer. I am telling you anyway, so here's a little tidbit of whats coming. There's another surprise in store for you. I know, I know you probably hate me right now. But I promise it will all be worth it in th end. Again, I can't tell you who or what this surprise entails just yet but alot of people will probably be pleased. So keep reading and reviewing to find out.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. As much as I would like to have Spike AND Angel all to myself, him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me toying with his ideas.**

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Last Goodbye

_Chapter Five_

As soon as we walk through headquarter doors Dawn immediately rushes into my arms.

"Lil bit." I say happily wrapping my arms around her. Seeing her, being with her and Buffy feels like home. If I ever had one.

"Spike." Xander says cordially. I can see the whelp's finally let go of that grudge against me as he sticks his hand out for a shake and when I hear about Anya I feel for him. Something I never thought would ever happen. Maybe this Shanshu has done something to me?

Red delivers a cheerful smile before giving me a tentative hug. I always did like her. As Buffy introduces me to everyone she speaks with a reverence in her voice. Something I only ever heard her use once with me. I'm amazed at the way she parades me around like some kind of reward. She's constantly smiling and her eyes burn with the fire I remember. As far as I've heard Buffy was altered since the close of the hell mouth. No one told me why, but I have as idea. Her home. She'd lived there, died there, fought there, loved there. It was everything to her.

Finally after introductions and reunions we settle down for a meeting to discuss what will be done in L.A. Buffy tugs on my hand and I sit next to her and Willow as a few faces I don't know and some old ones gather around to listen to the heated argument Giles and Angel are having.

"Look everything has gone to hell in L.A. We have to do something, fast." Angel insists. I can see he's adamant about this. L.A was his town and he had to do right by the people there.

"Well, I understand why you would want to but frankly we don't know what we're dealing with or how we would go about fixing it. We need time."

"We don't have time." Angel growls before sighing and retreating to the back wall.

"Well whether we have it or not, we need it. Its not our fault hell has been unleashed in L.A. Its yours!"

"Giles." Buffy warns, her eyes desperately pleading with his. Her eyes roam over to Angel and she bites her lip. She still loves him. I know it. I was right about what I said all those years ago in Sunnydale, about the two of them never being friends. I just wish I hadn't been.

"My fault? Excuse me for trying to save people. Would you rather I killed them, Giles?" Angel asks sardonically and I see Buffy almost gravitate toward him subconsciously.

"Seems like you've done a bloody good job of that already if you haven't forgotten." Giles retorts, an angry scowl upon his features and even I know what he's referring to. Jenny Calendar. The teacher at Sunnydale. The one Giles had been in love with. The same one Angelus killed all those years ago. Acathla, the judge, mine and Buffy's truce. It all seems like a lifetime ago and looking back I think I can almost see the beginnings of my love for her. The way I attempted to get Angelus to stop brassing her off by killing her friends. But that was Angelus for you. Always with the psychological warfare.

Angel eventually growls in frustration and walks off. Buffy shoots Giles a glance before exchanging an apologetic look with me and taking off. Great. Just great. Now I have to watch this sodding love fest. Well this is going to be one hell of an apocalypse.


End file.
